So I have been watching Addicted to Food on the OWN channel and it has really made me think about food addictions. For the longest time I never thought of my weight as a result of a food addiction, but now I realize it is. Last week's episode showed one woman who was actaully having withdrawal symptoms from detoxing from unhealthy foods. I was shocked! I have never heard of withdrawal from food. The woman threw up, had a headache and was irritable. I am sure I have been in her shoes! I hate thinking about my weight challenges as an addiction and disease, even though deep down, I know it is.
All these weight loss shows I watch and the books I read say that there is some deeper issue that will explain why you are addicted to food and cant control your weight. A lot of people have been abused or had a traumitizing childhood. My childhood was fine and I can't think of anything that I am trying to mask with food and weight. My mom has told me that when I was little she would yell at me, and she says it was to the point of abuse. She cries and apologizes, but the truth of the matter is, I don't remember any of that. This is the only thing about my childhood that wasn't "perfect" but that is not enough to make me gain weight. Does there have to be a reason?
I look back at when the weight gain started and it was after a bad breakup in college (he cheated a billion times). I lost weight when I was with him and we worked out together all the time. When we broke up, I was depressed and stopped working out. I gained weight slowly overtime. When we broke up Junior year of college (2004) I was 140 pounds. By the time I started grad school in 2005 I was 215 pounds. Now, 6 years late, I am 255 pounds. That is a 115 pound weight gain in 7 years - 16.5 pounds a year! Now all the books and tv shows would say that I gained the weight because I wanted to hide in my body and not get hurt again. Is this true? Could it be true without me realizing it? It might have been true for about a year after but I don't think it is true now.
Does there have to be a reason? Couldn't it just be a result of years of untreated depression and anxiety? I was not on any medication for my depression/anxiety until 2008. Once the medication kicked in, I was a whole new person. So why hasn't the weight fallen off since my mental status is much better? Is it better and not fixed?
So I guess the answer is, I have no clue why I gained the weight and haven't been able to lose it. I don't know why I turn to food and let it hurt me. I don't know why I am letting my life go by so quickly with no change. I get worried because the therapists say that you wont be able to keep the weight off until you understand why you put it on in the first place. What if I can't figure it out? Am I doomed?