Vacation

So I am taking a vacation from my blog.  My classes end in a week and I am having trouble balancing my diet, my workouts, the blog and homework.  Classes have to come first right now so I will be back with you guys next Monday!  I am in the works of a new weight loss opportunity so hopefully I will have more info by then. 

Also - I know this started as a competition with my bestie to see who can keep a blog longer...well...I have def put a lot more work into my blog than him (His is a picture a day), so I don't feel bad about taking a week off - even if that means I lost. 

See ya in 6 days!

Smooches!

Shrinking Sunday

Nope

My period has destroyed me

I will be ok

blah!

Sweet Sweet Saturday

Today was sweet because I slept in, did a ton of homework, planned my workouts and meals for the week, and went shopping.  This weekend has been really relaxing and I needed that!  Only 1 more week of classes then I am done with my hours to renew my teaching certification! 

Fashion Friday

So I have been seeing a lot of people wearing the Five Finger shoes lately.  Yesterday I was waiting to get a massage and the guy in the waiting room was wearing them, which sparked a conversation.  I asked him if he liked them and he went on and on about how they have helped him with his running.  I guess his knees and ankles were hurting really bad so he stopped running.  He said once he started wearing these shoes, he was able to run without pain.  I read a lot of reviews - positive and negative, but a lot of people said they helped their knees.  So I bought a pair - I'm hoping they will help me get over the pain of running.  I have tried to do the Couch to 5k program about 4 billion times and I always fail.  The pain is too much and the program moves too fast for someone my size.  I have decided to start again.  I will run on the treadmill, 3x a week, with the shoes on.  Instead of doing the couch to 5k program in 9 weeks like it is made, I am going to do it in 9 months.  Instead of taking a week for each section, I am going to do it for a month.  I am in no hurry to run and I don't want to hurt myself, so I am way less pressured by this plan! 

Thriving Thursday

Well I thought I was thriving until I looked at the scale and almost wanted to kill someone!  This is period week so all I want to do is eat pizza and sleep.  Lets hope I can get motivated and try not to let the scale bring me down! 

Whiny Wednesday

What makes me the most whiny....................

Kevin M. Long...............

And his inability to relax and lay on the couch and his need to do 8am 10 mile running tours!

Blah......

Truthful Tuesday

So I have been watching Addicted to Food on the OWN channel and it has really made me think about food addictions.  For the longest time I never thought of my weight as a result of a food addiction, but now I realize it is.  Last week's episode showed one woman who was actaully having withdrawal symptoms from detoxing from unhealthy foods.  I was shocked!  I have never heard of withdrawal from food.  The woman threw up, had a headache and was irritable.  I am sure I have been in her shoes!  I hate thinking about my weight challenges as an addiction and disease, even though deep down, I know it is. 

All these weight loss shows I watch and the books I read say that there is some deeper issue that will explain why you are addicted to food and cant control your weight.  A lot of people have been abused or had a traumitizing childhood.  My childhood was fine and I can't think of anything that I am trying to mask with food and weight.  My mom has told me that when I was little she would yell at me, and she says it was to the point of abuse.  She cries and apologizes, but the truth of the matter is, I don't remember any of that.  This is the only thing about my childhood that wasn't "perfect" but that is not enough to make me gain weight.  Does there have to be a reason? 

I look back at when the weight gain started and it was after a bad breakup in college (he cheated a billion times).  I lost weight when I was with him and we worked out together all the time.  When we broke up, I was depressed and stopped working out.  I gained weight slowly overtime.  When we broke up Junior year of college (2004) I was 140 pounds.  By the time I started grad school in 2005 I was 215 pounds.  Now, 6 years late, I am 255 pounds.  That is a 115 pound weight gain in 7 years - 16.5 pounds a year!  Now all the books and tv shows would say that I gained the weight because I wanted to hide in my body and not get hurt again.  Is this true?  Could it be true without me realizing it?  It might have been true for about a year after but I don't think it is true now.

Does there have to be a reason?  Couldn't it just be a result of years of untreated depression and anxiety?  I was not on any medication for my depression/anxiety until 2008.  Once the medication kicked in, I was a whole new person.  So why hasn't the weight fallen off since my mental status is much better?  Is it better and not fixed?

So I guess the answer is, I have no clue why I gained the weight and haven't been able to lose it.  I don't know why I turn to food and let it hurt me.  I don't know why I am letting my life go by so quickly with no change.  I get worried because the therapists say that you wont be able to keep the weight off until you understand why you put it on in the first place.  What if I can't figure it out?  Am I doomed?     
 

Mmmmmmm Monday

I have never been a jam/jelly person, but last week I discovered the most amazing Black Raspberry Jam when I was down at the strip district with my dad.  It is so sweet and tastes awesome on an Ezekiel English Muffin!  You don't need a lot since it is jam packed with flavor!  You should all try it!

Shrinking Sunday

Nope - I am not weighing myself because I feel motivated and I know stepping on that scale will make me depressed.  I am going to go to the gym everyday this week and concentrate on my calorie intake!  I am back!

Sweet Sweet Saturday

My house is finally clean!  

I know I am all or nothing.  My therapist told me ALL the time that I need to stop that.  My all or nothing attitude doesn't stop at dieting and exercise - It also effects my chores at home.  When my mental health is good - I am working out, eating well, my house is clean and I am getting enough sleep.  When the mental health is bad - I am binging on my couch, in a messy house and getting TOO much sleep.  I know I need to avoid thinking this way.  I havent been working out or dieting and my house was a MESS.  Well today I cleaned.  I have lived in this house for a year now and this is the biggest clean I have done.  When my house is clean, I feel like I can breath and concentrate on me.  So I am hoping this new sense of organization and motivation will translate in gym time and salad eating time!  I feel like my ducks are in a row for the first time in a long time!

  

Fashion Friday

Well - I feel the need to show you the worst fashion ever!  My dad!  WHAT IS HE WEARING?

He is only 61...what is going to happen when he is 80?! HAHA Best Fashion Friday EVER!

Thriving Thursday

Well as far as my health and weight I am failing not thriving.  Thursdays are for being positive though so I will tell you what is thriving - My mood and productivity.  For the first time in a long time, I am not coming home from work and laying on the couch.  I have been working on homework (credits to renew my teaching license), cleaning, laundry, and professional work.  Usually when I am skipping the gym it is because I'm depressed and I come home, lay on the couch and binge.  This is not happening.  This is my week of getting my debacle of a life in order.  I have a really hard time working out and thinking about health if the rest of my life is out of control.  After this weekend everything will be organized and my ducks will be in a row.  I will be back at the gym on Monday and it will be a fresh start!

Whiny Wednesday

I am mad at Governor Corbett and his fucking budget...

This budget basically says that education isn't important and teachers are expendable.

Teachers are being laid off, getting pay cuts and there are hiring freezes.

What is going on!?!?!?!

Isn't education important!??!

When I got my degree in special ed, I was sure I would always be needed....apparently not!

Truthful Tuesday

Help!!  I need my weight loss friends to help me out.  I'm losing my motivation and I feel myself going back to old ways.  I have been ordering pizza and skipping the gym.  What do you guys do when you've lost your motivation?  What bumps you back into the routine?  I am forcing myself to go to the gym tonight.  I am hoping an hour of core and an hour of kickboxing will get me back in the mood.  Any suggestions will help!

Mmmmmmm Monday

Sooooooooo

I forgot my lunch

So I ate a bagel that was in the office

........

Here is why lunch is so important.  I wont be eating anything because the ATM at work is broken and its raining so I am not walking to the ATM down the street.  So now I am hungry and bitchy.  Since I will basically be passing out by the time work is over, there is no way I will be able to go to Zumba right after work.  So by the end of the day I will have starved myself, killing my metabolism, and then not working out.

LUNCH IS IMPORTANT!

Shrinking Sunday

Current Weight: 255.2
Weekly Loss: 0
Loss-to-Date: 20.8

Sweet Sweet Saturday

So today has been super productive.  I woke up this morning and went to the strip district with my dad.  It is always such a nice way to spend a Saturday morning.  I bought some raspberry Jam and a scarf and my dad got this cool wine bottle holder made out of iron.  We went to lunch and split a club sandwich on wheat bread then he dropped me off at my house.  It was nice out so I got to open my window and get fresh air.  I don't know what the fresh air did to me, but I automatically passed out and took a nap for 3 hours haha. 

I was sure the nap was going to do me in and ruin the productivity for the whole day - but it didn't!  I woke up and worked on homework and other things I can't talk about yet.  Almost everything is crossed off of my to do list and that is so not like me.  My plan for tomorrow is to go to the grocery store in the morning then go to Matt's candle party.  After the candle party, Andrea and I are taking the dogs to my parent's house so they can run in the backyard.  My dad bought a new grill and we are going to cookout and enjoy the random 80 degree day.

I have been pretty off of a diet and exercise plan this week...and since I got sick.  I am finally really feeling better so I see tomorrow as my last day of rest.  Monday I will be back at it!   

Fashion Friday

I went shopping with Andrea and I bought a pair of size 18 pants.  When I started this journey in January, I was wearing a size 22 and they were tight tight tight!  Not that size 18 is small by any means, but every pound I lose gets me closer to wearing the clothes I want.  It is so hard liking fashion but being forced to shop at only 3 stores - target, lane bryant, and old navy.  It will be amazing to go to a store and have options instead of the 5 giant shirt at the back of the stack.  Maybe I'll even start wearing clothes other than cardigans and scarves....although I do love them!

Thriving Thursday

So this week I have been thriving in my organization.  I have cleaned my bathroom, living room, kitchen, gym and did laundry.  Most things on my to do list are crossed off for once.  I feel so much calmer when I'm organized.  I spend so much time finding the perfect planner when really I do so much better with a simple monthly calendar! I really need to write everything down....how am I going to be when I'm old and forgetful?!

Whiny Wednesday

I'm really not whiny....

The only thing bothering me is that I'm not able to breath well enough to workout yet. One of these days!

I went to see Next to Normal tonight...Man it was amazing!  If you have the opportunity to go, take it!

Truthful Tuesday

I was thinking about my weight loss today (whats new) and my weight history, and I realized I don't remeber weighing between 180 and 215. You would have though that breaking into the 200s would have frightened me back into the 100s, but apprenlty I was oblivious! I don't remember a time when I wasn't thinking about my weight, so I don't know how I forget about those times, or let myself slip into the 200s. I think the 200s are so depressing that once you hit them, you just give up. I think thats what I did.....

Today I bought a Keratin Hair Straightening Treatment on groupon for $99 (its usually $300). Hair straightening is my reward for hitting 180lbs. The groupon expires in October 2011, so I have to get to 180 by then. I can't even imagine what 180 will feel like. I imagine being light and not blobbing out of my clothes. To get to my goal, I have to lose 12 pounds a month until then. That is a crazy goal, but I'm hoping I can get there! It is weird to think that if I put my mind to it, I can be 180 before xmas.

TIME TO GET SERIOUS!

Mmmmmmm Monday

Well - I'm finally feeling a bit better. Although I am not coughing every 2 seconds, and my sense of smell is back, I am not even close to being able to do any sort of cardio. Since working out will be at a minimum this week, I am going to have to focus on my food to lose more weight. My plan is to stick to 1200 calories and 100 oz of water a day. I have to make sure to eat breakfast and start the day off right! Overtime and through 900 different diet plans, I have learned that I am not going to EVER wake up early and make myself breakfast - that even means pouring a bowl of cereal. If I am going to eat in the morning, it has to be fast and eaten on the bus. My favorite and most filling breakfast is a chocolate Vitatop and a Banana. These Viatatops dont even taste diet to me and they are only 100 calories.

Shrinking Sunday

Current Weight: 255.2
Weekly Loss: - 2.9
Loss-to-Date: 20.8

Sweet Sweet Saturday

Well my Saturday consisted of naps and tissues and cough syrup. Nothing sweet about it. I'm hoping this weekend of rest will get rid of my bronchitis enough to allow me to get back to the gym! Here's to hoping!

Fashion Friday

My new fashion statement is just wearing bedding and underwear. I plan on being wrapped up ALL weekend until I feel better. By next Friday I'll be in the mood to dress sexy and actually do a Fashion Friday!